BUTI PA SIYA...

Buti pa ang kalendaryo, may date
Buti pa ang Hersheys, may kisses
Buti pa ang probability, may chance
YUNG IBANG TAO, WALA.

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Buti pa ang Paranaque, may BF
Buti pa ang farm, may chicks
Buti pa ang halaman, may nagaalaga
YUNG IBANG TAO, WALA.

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Buti pa ang nitso, may bulaklak
Buti pa ang patay, may dumadalaw
Buti pa ang prisoner, binabantayan
YUNG IBANG TAO, BALIWALA.

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Buti pa ang tennis may, may love
Buti pa bees, may honey
Buti pa ang Chemistry, may lab
YUNG IBANG TAO, WALA.

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Buti pa ang telepono, hini-hello
Buti pa ang film, nadi-develop
Buti pa ang typewriter, nata-type-pan
YUNG IBANG TAO, HINDI.

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Buti pa ang exams, sinasagot
Buti pa ang problema, iniisip
Buti pa ang assignment, inu-uwi
YUNG IBANG TAO, HINDI.

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Buti pa ang panyo, nadadantayan ng pisngi
Buti pa ang baso, dinadampian ng labi
Buti pa ang unan, inaakap sa gabi
YUNG IBANG TAO, HINDI PUEDE.

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Buti pa ang kamalian, napapansin
Buti pa ang salamin, minamasdan
Buti pa ang hininga, hinahabol
YUNG IBANG TAO, HINDI

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Buti pa ang tindera, nagpapatawad
Buti pa ang awit at tugtog, pinagsasama
Buti pa ang sugat, inaalagaan
YUNG IBANG TAO, HINDI

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Buti pa ang lungs, malapit sa puso
Buti pa ang bra, kakabit ng dibdib
Buti pa ang kotse, mahal
YUNG IBANG TAO, HINDI

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Buti pa ang pera, ini-ingatan
Buti pa ang mahjong, sinasalat
Buti pa ang damo, dinidiligan
YUNG IBA DIYAN, HINDI

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Buti pa ang sobre, nadidilaan
Buti pa ang susi, naipapasok
Buti pa ang itlog, binabati
YUNG SA IBA DIYAN, HINDI

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Buti pa ang doorbell, pinipindot
Buti pa ang keyboard, napi-finger
Buti pa ang bola, nilalaro
YUNG SA IBA DIYAN, HINDI

Call Center Bloopers - Pinoy Style

Telesales agent getting the customer's credit card info:
Agent: Can I have your expiration date, sir?
Customer: My what?!!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
Telesales agent giving promo spiels:
Agent: You called at the right time, ma'am. We have a lot of freebies to give away, such as free installation, free equipment, and free DVD player. That's a great offer, di ba?
Customer: huh?!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Agent verifying info from the customer:
Agent: Is that a P for Ping-Pong?
Customer: No, it's B.
Agent: Oh, B, like Bing-Bong...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -------
Customer trying to return a defective product:
Customer: I need to return this defective sauna belt that you delivered yesterday.
Agent: For that concern, you can call our customer service at www.picustomerservi ce.com.
Customer: Call where??!!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------
Agent answering a call:
Agent: Thank you for calling Dish Network Department, my name is Vince..... (sees that the number called by customer is for a different client-- a DirecTV dealer).
Customer: So, I called the wrong number then?
Agent: Let me transfer you to DirecTV please dont go.... (puts the customer on hold, and then)... Thank you for calling DirecTV Department, my name is Vince...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
Agent wrapping up the sale:
Agent: Our INSTALLATORS will contact you within the next 24 hours to verify your installation schedules...
Customer: Uhm.... say what, now. Who's gonna call me?
Agent: The INSTALLATORS, sir.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Agent getting coupon code from customer:
Agent: Can I ask for the coupon code? It's a bunch of letters.
Customers: Like ABCs?
Agent: Yes.
Customer: Ok. ABCDEFG....
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------
Agent giving the customer service web address:
Agent: It's P- as in Papa, I- as in India, C- as in costume, U- as in you, S- as in Sam, T- as in Tango, O.... Oscar...V- for Voy...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Agent wrapping up the sale, trying to give the account info to customer:
Agent: I will now be giving you your account number and order confirmation number, do you have a PEN and BALLPEN with you?
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Agent trying to create urgency over the available promotion:
Agent: Are you sure you don't want to take advantage of me?
Customer: Say, what?
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Agent trying to upsell a warranty:
Agent: Here's an example: In California, a plane crashed into a customer's house, their dish was replaced, no questions asked!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
Agent trying to upsell a TiVo to customer:
Agent: With a TiVo, you can do this and that, and you know, pretty much anything under the sun. Isn't that a great offer?
Customer: What?
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Agent was asking the customer about the cost of his cable service:
Agent: How much are you paying with your current provider?
Customer: Well, I'm only paying $25.00 (--which is way cheaper than what the agent was offering)
Agent: (Surprised) Shet, magkano??!!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Agent getting customer's address:
Agent: Can I have your address, please?
Customer: It's twenyfurfif- ysavan newyaorkgh road (2457 New York Road)
Agent: Can you repeat that ulit?
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Agent asking the customer to be put on hold:
Tech Agent: Sir, Can I hold you for just a minute?
Customer: Sure, baby, go ahead!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -------
Agent verifying correct spelling:
Agent: Is that a B as in boy, or a B as in Bravo?
Customer: ...uhmmm... how about B as in Boy?
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Technical Agent giving customer support:
Agent: Is the ethernet cord connected?
Cust: Tha Hwhut??? (with Alabama accent)
Agent: Yung yellow cord kung nakakabit ba!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Agent from a local phone company entertaining a Visayan customer:
Customer: hillo! wala kasi yung bell ng pon namin??
Agent: Hindi naman po ba nabagsak yung phone?
Customer: Hende naman.
Agent: Kailan pa po ito nagsimula?
Customer: Ang alen?
Agent: Na hindi po nagri-ring yung phone?
Customer: Nagre-reng naman ah?!
Agent: Di ba sabi mo walang ring?
Customer: Hende! yong BELL! yong lestahan nong babayaran namin!!
Agent: aahhh... yung BILL?!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -------

Technical Agent: To help you out with your concern, ma'am, let me just pull out my tool here, ok? (referring to a computer program used in call centers to address the customer's concerns)
Customer: Pull out your what now?
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

Tech Support: Okay, Bob, just type P on your keyboard?
Customer: What? Could you repeat that?
Tech Support: 'P' on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: No way. I'm not going to do that.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
Agent: Sir, that is C for Cubao, Q for Quiapo.....

Customer: What is that?! I dont understand. I don't want to talk to you.
Agent: Who do you want to talk to?
Customer: I want to talk to the highest person.
Agent: My supervisor is not available as of the moment sir.
Customer: I said, I want to talk to the highest person.
Agent: Ok, you want to talk to the highest person?
Customer: Yes!
Agent: Do you want to talk to God?
Customer: what the f***! I'd rather talk to you.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Irate Customer: F***k you!
Tech Support: Sir, we're not allowed to say "F***k you!" here...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------

Agent: It's C as in CAT.
Customer: what?
Agent: C as in CAT. C-A-T as in meow meow...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Agent: Thank you for calling us, this is Candy, how may I help you?

Customer: What did you say your name was... Mandy?
Agent: No, sir, it's Candy.
Customer: Sorry, i can't hear ya... didja say Mandy?
Agent: It's Candy sir... Candy... as in Storck!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Agent: Alright, let me verify that... Was that a "G" as in golf?
Customer (with a different accent): NO! That was a "G" as! in GEBRA! (z as in zebra)
Agent: Oh, Gebra! like the one in the Goo?!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Agent: Yeah, sir....hello sir... are you there?
Customer: Yes, sorry. I'm still there.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -

Agent: Ok, sir... do u have a PEN and a PENCIL ready?
Customer: What?!!
Agent: Oh, Im sorry, sir... i mean, do u have a PEN and a BALLPEN ready?
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Agent: I'd like to speak with Billy Thompson please?
Contact: He's not in. Would you like to leave a message in his voicemail?
Agent: Sure, SIGE..
------------ --------- -----

Tech support: We're going to perform a check disk to see if your hard drive has errors in it. Please type in C-H-K-D-S-K.
Customer: What is that again?
Tech Support: C-H-K-D-S-K. .. that is... C as in Charlie... H as in Harley... K as in Karly.. D as in Darley... S as in Sarley... and K as in Karly... got it?

JOKE

"TEACHER: Class draw a fish..!
CLASS: Yes ma'am!
TEACHER: Pedro, why is ur drawing very dirty..?
PEDRO: Ma'am, bagoong po yan."

"Pulis at Intsik:
Pulis: boss konting abuloy lang, may namatay na
pulis.
Intsik: ako malaki migay amuloy masta alaw-alaw
melon pulis paktay
oke.."

"PASYENTE: Dok. . . Ninenerbyos po ako! First operation ko po ito. . .
DOK: Alam ko ang nararamdaman mo. . ...Kasi ikaw rinang una kong pasyente"

Tanga: kamusta yung exam mo.
Bobo: wala ako nasagutan, blanko yung papel ko.
Ikaw?
Tanga: naku, blangko din yung papel ko, baka sabihin
ni titser,
nagkopyahan tayo

"WIFE: maghiwalay na tayo!
MAN: ok,akin ang bahay!
WIFE: akin ang farm!
MAN: akin ang kotse!
WIFE: ah pero akin driver
MAN: pwes, magkakamatayan tyo, MATAGAL NA SIYANG
AKIN!"

"Mrs: hoy!Tama na yang beer mo masyado ka magastos
Mr: Ikaw make-up mo ang magastos
Mrs: Nagpapaganda ako para syo
Mr: Ako umiinom naman para gumanda ka!"

"May bagong kasal:
MRS: Honey malapit na tayong maging 3 dito sa bahay
MR: Talaga honey? Pinasaya mo ako sa balita mo
MRS: Oo dito na titira ang nanay ko!"

REPORTER: Sir, kung wala po kayong evidence, witness
or suspect ano na
po
ang next step ninyo??
Police: DNA na...
REPORTER: sir, ano po yung DNA ???
Police: "Di Namin Alam "

"Man1: Away kami ni misis, nag-Historical siya
Man2: Pare baka ang ibig mo sabihin ay
nag-Hysterical
Man1: Hinde, historical kasi inungkat lahat ng
kasalanan ko!"

A black baby is given a pair of wings by a fairy..
BABY: Does this mean I am an angel???
FAIRY: (laughs) of course not! tong negrang to!
ambisyosa! PANIKI ka!!

In a party, a handsome guy approached a girl and
asked;
are you going to dance??
The girl felt so happy that someone finally asked
her and she said;
"yes" and the guys said "that's good, can I have
your chair??"

"Naglalakad ang mag-ama, nakakita ng eroplano
ANAK: Tay! Krus! Ang laking krus!
TATAY(Binatukan ang anak): Nakita mo ng krus eh!
Lumuhod tayo!"

Employee: boss pwede ba ako nalang ang papalit dun
pwesto sa manager
natin
na kamamatay lang?
Boss: ok lang sa akin na ikaw ang pumalit sa kanya,
ewan ko lang kung
papayag ang punerarya :)

bobo1: Pare, alam mo ba tawag sa paniki na mababa
ang lipad?
bobo2: hindi eh! ano ba pare?
bobo1: Lowbat pare! Lowbat!

Boy:Nay! Muntik na ako maging top one sa klase!
Nanay: Bat mo naman nasabi?
Boy: Ini-announce kasi kanina yung top one sa klase.
Ang tinuro ni
ma'am yung katabi ko. Muntik na ako!

Bush visited the Philippines and Erap acted as his
translator:
Bush: "Lets help one another..."
Erap: "Tayo'y magtulungan. ....."
Bush: "...let's strive together..."
Erap: "...tayo'y magsikap..."
Bush: "...because in union there is strength."
Erap: "...dahil sa sibuyas may titigas!"

Bongbong -- Pare sinong idol mo?
Chavit--Si Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Bongbong-- Sige nga, spell Schwarzenegger.
Chavit --Hindi, joke lang pare, si Jet Li talaga
idol ko.

Erap writing on a slum book:
Favorite Actor:
Arnold Scharzene... ... (erase)
Arnold Schwarze... ... (erase)
Arnold Schwarzz... .... (erase)
Arnold Shwazenne... . ...(erase)
Arnold Shwazenner.. . ....(erase)
Arnold Shwarzenneg. . ..(erase)
Arnold Schchwarzenne. ..... (erase)
Arnold Clavio

Pare 1: Pre, nasusuka ako kaya lang di ako masuka
Pare 2: Madali lang yan, pre ~ sundutin mo tonsils
mo
(pare 1 sinundot ang tonsils ..)
Pare 1: Di pa rin e
Pare 2: Hmmmmm ... sundutin mo pwet mo
pare 1 sinundot ang pwet ...)
Pare 1: Wala pa rin
Pare 2: Ngayon, tsaka mo ule isundot sa bibig mo ...
pag hindi
ka pa masuka nyan ewan ko na!

Sa isang ospital...
Lola (may cancer) : Doc, anong gagawin nyo sa akin?
Doc : Che-chemo, lola.
Lola : Titi mo rin! Bastos ka! walang modo!

Holduper: Pili ka, wallet mo o pasabugin utak mo?
Biktima: Ikaw na bahala..bastaa pareho po yan walang
laman!

Pare1: Pare, bat naman hanggang ngayon wala ka pang
syota? wala
ka pa bang napupusuan?
Pare2: Meron.. Manhid ka lang!
(nyahahahaha! )

Sa isang mumurahing airline:
Stewardess: Sir, would you like some dinner?
Passenger: Ano ba ang mga choices?
Stewardess: 'Yes' or 'No' lang po

Personality Test

1. When do you feel at your best?
a) in the morning
b) during the afternoon and early evening
c) late at night

2. You usually walk.....
a) fairly fast, with long steps
b) fairly fast, with little steps
c) less fast head up, looking the world in the face
d) less fast, head down
e) very slowly
3. When talking to people, you...
a) stand with your arms folded
b ) have your hands clasped
c) have one or both your hands on your hips or in pockets
d) touch or push the person to whom you are talking
e) play with your ear, touch your chin or smooth your hair

4. When relaxing, you sit with...
a) your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side
b) your legs crossed
c) your legs stretched out or straight
d) one leg curled under you
5. When something really amuses you, You react with...
a) a big appreciated laugh
b) a laugh, but not a loud one
c) a quiet chuckle
d) a sheepish smile
6. When you go to a party or social gathering, you...
a) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you
b) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know
c) make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed
7. When you're working or concentrating very hard, and you're interrupted, you...
a) welcome the break
b) feel extremely irritated
c) vary between these two extremes

8. Which of the following colors do you like most?
a) Red or orange
b) black
c) yellow or light blue d) green
e) dark blue or purple f) white
g) brown or gray
9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep, you lie...
a) stretched out on your back
b) stretched out face down on your stomach
c) on your side, slightly curled
d) with your head on one arm
e) with your head under the covers
10. You often dream that you are...
a) falling
b) fighting or struggling
c) searching for something or somebody
d) flying or floating
e) you usually have dreamless sleep
f) your dreams are always pleasant

POINTS:

1. (a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 6
2. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e) 1
3. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 5 (d) 7 (e) 6
4. (a) 4 (b) 6 (c) 2 (d) 1
5. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 2
6. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 2
7. (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 4
8. (a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d)4 (e) 3 (f) 2 (g) 1
9. (a) 7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e) 1
10. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 6 (f) 1

Now add up the total number of points.

OVER 60 POINTS
Others see you as someone they should "handle with care." You're seen as vain, self-centered and one who is extremely domineering. .... Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don't always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you.

51 TO 60 POINTS
Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural leader, one who's quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.

41 TO 50 POINTS
Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.

31 TO 40 POINTS
Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful and practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over it if that trust is ever broken.

21 TO 30 POINTS
Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the
moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it. They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature.

UNDER 21 POINTS
People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions and who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or anything! They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don't exist. Some people think you're boring. Only those who know you well know that you aren't.

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

W O R D S

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men..."
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you! "

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says..........
"HEBREWS"

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning
business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a
piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

ANO ANG DAPAT GAWIN KUNG TINATAMAD KANG MAGTRABAHO ?

Sa buhay empleyado merong dalawang pagpipilian kung tinatamad kang magtrabaho.

A. Una ay umabsent.

1. Kapag umiikot na kaagad sa katawan mo ang katamaran pagkagising pa lang sa umaga ay mag-isip ka na kaagad ng palusot kung bakit ka aabsent. Paalala: dapat ay memoryado mo ang mga dahilang nagamit mo na dati (tip: gumawa ng isang logbook) ng sa gayon ay hindi ka parang sirang plakang nag-uulit lang lagi ng rason ng di pagpasok. Alalahanin na tuso din ang mga bossing.

2. Kapag nakaisip ka na ng magandang dahilan ay agad mag-text o tumawag sa bossing mo, the earlier the better. Kung ayaw mo ng madaming tanong e mag-text ka at kung nais mo namang tumawag ay siguraduhin mong magaling kang umarte kagaya ng kung ikaw ay kunwaring me sakit ay umubo ka ng paunti-unti habang kinakausap ang bossing mo.

3. Matapos mag-text/tumawag ay bumalik sa higaan at magplano ka na ng gusto mong gawin sa buong araw. Malaking posibilidad na magtutulog ka lang buong araw. Sya nga pala, kapag tumawag ang opisina sa kalagitnaan ng araw, laging tandaan ang rasong ginamit (consistent ka dapat), maaari namang i-off mo na lang ang phone mo para hindi ka maistorbo buong araw.

BABALA: Siguraduhing regular ka na sa kumpanyang pinagtratrabahuhan kung ikaw ay mag-aabsent.


B. Pangalawa ay pumasok

Eto ang dapat gawin ng mga empleyado kapag tinatamad magtrabaho pero ayaw umabsent. Ang mga taong ito ay nuknukan ng kapal ng mukha. Ang mga sumusunod na instructions ay napakasimple pero effective. Meron ding oras na nakatakda, magsisismula ng alas ocho ng umaga at magtatapos ng alas singko ng hapon.

1. Pumasok ng sakto sa oras. Huwag kang male-late at huwag ka din namang excited masyado. 8:00

2. Pagdating mo sa opisina ay ilapag mo lang kaagad ang gamit mo sa lamesa at magtungo kaagad sa pantry. Magtimpla ng kape o kung anuman ang iniinom mo pag umaga. Habang nasa loob ay makipag-usap sa mga tao doon, patagalin mo ang usapan (tip: pag-usapan ang mga headline ngayong araw o mga nangyari kahapon sa loob ng opisina). Kung walang tao sa pantry ay mag-yaya ka ng kasama bago pa man pumasok doon. 8:00-8:30

3. Matapos sa pantry ay magtungo na sa lamesa mo dala-dala pa din ang kape, ito ay para hindi ka antukin buong araw. Buksan ang computer. Matapos nito ay buksan ang mailbox mo. Basahin ang mga email…mapabago man o luma. Buksan lahat ng pedeng buksang attachments, makakabuti ito sa pagpapatagal ng oras. O kaya naman ay mag-email ka sa mga kakilala mong matagal mo ng di nakakamusta. Kapag di ka pa nakuntento ay gawing chat ang email (ito ay sa kadahilanang banned na ang halos lahat ng messengers sa mga kompanya…pati google talk di pinalagpas, mga hayop na IT yan). Pano? Mag-email ka sa kakilala mong alam mong merong access sa internet sa mga oras na yon tapos antayin ang reply…wholla! Instant chat session. Sya nga pala, habang ginagawa ang mga nasa taas ay huwag makakalimot inumin ang kape..lalamig ito. 8:30-9:30

3. Matapos ang makabuluhag paggamit ng computer ay magdala ng mga papel-papel at magtungo sa kung saan mo man nais. Mas maganda kung mukha kang aborido hawak ang mga props mo habang papaalis ng lamesa, ito ay para sabihin ng bossing mo sampu ng kasamahan mo sa trabaho na busy ka lagi. Magtungo sa ibang department na me kakilala at makipag-usap ng kung anu-ano. 9:30-10:00

4. Tignan mo nga naman. Alas dies na! Break time na ulit! Pagkatapos mag-lamyerda sa ibang department ay magtungo ulit sa puwesto at ibaba ang mga scratch paper na props. Dalhin ang tasa sa pantry at magtimpla ulit ng panibagong kape, libre ang kape kaya magtimpla ka lang ng magtimpla. Magtungo sa labas kung ikaw ay nag-yoyosi kung di naman ay manatili sa pantry at makipag-usap ka na lang sa mga tao doon. 10:00-10:15

5. Pagkatapos ng break ay bumalik sa lamesa at humarap sa computer (huwag ng magdala ng kape sa lamesa…tama na ang nainom mo, sisikmurain ka na sa sobrang gahaman). Tapos ka na sa mga emails mo, ngayon naman ay mag-internet ka na lang ng kung anik-anik. Pero bago mag-internet ay magbukas ka muna ng office document kahit wala kang balak gawin ang mga ito, makakatulong ang documentong ito mamya. Tapos ay mag-internet ka na. Paalala: dapat ay alerto ka sa mga tao sa paligid mo, kapag alam mong me padating pindutin ang ALT at TAB ng sabay. Ito ay para makapunta sa office document na binuksan mo kanina. Kung mabagal ang iyong reflexes ay dapat mabilis ka sa paggamit ng mouse para ma-click mo agad sa taskbar ung documentong nasabi. Kapag na-master mo na ang technique na ito ay di na mapapansin ng bossing mo na nag-iinternet ka lang sa mga oras na ito. 10:15-12:00

6. Tama na muna ang computer. Lunch break na! Alam mo na ang dapat gawin. 12:00-1:00

7. Pagkatapos kumain ay gawin ulit ang #5. Habang gingawa ito ay maglabas ulit ng mga scratch papers na para bang me hinahanap. Tandaan na dapat seryoso ang mukha mo habang gingawa ang mga ito (tip: ikunot ang noo para makakuha ng mukhang seryoso). 1:00-3:00

8. Break time na ulit. Ang bilis nga naman ng oras. Hala..punta na ulit sa pantry. Maaari ka na ulit mag-kape at makipag-chikahan. 3:00-3:15

9. Bumalik sa lamesa at guluhin ito sa pamamagitan ng paglabas ng sandamakmak na mga papel. Tapos ay gawin ulit and #5. Tignan ang oras sa computer mo. Kung 4:30 na ay simulan mo ng ayusin ang ginulong lamesa. Mag-ayos ayos ka na din ng sarili. Kung kasing kapal ng adobe ang mukha mo ay magtungo ka ulit sa pantry para mag-kape (tandaan na dapat me kasama sa pantry) o kaya naman ay gawin ang #3. Matapos ang lahat ng ito ay umuwi ka na, para mo ng awa…wala ka na ngang silbi ay nangdadamay ka pa ng iba sa katamaran mo. 3:15-5:00

BABALA: Wag mong ipapabasa ito sa bossing mo kung ayaw mong mawalan ka ng trabaho.

Subject: Minsan May Isang Puta

Tingin ng mga bobong kapitbahay ko puta daw ako. Nagpapagamit, binabayaran. Sabi nila ako daw ang pinakamaganda at pinakasikat sa aming lugar noon. Ang bango-bango ko daw, sariwa at makinis. Di ko nga alam kung sumpa ito, dahil dito naletse ang kinabukasan ko.

Tara makinig ka muna sa kwento ko, yosi muna tayo.

Alam mo, maraming lumapit sa akin, nagkagusto, naakit. Ang hirap pag lahat sa iyo virgin eh. Tinanggap ko naman silang tao, bakit kaya nila ako ginago? Masakit alalahanin, iniisip ko na lang na kase di sila taga rito, siguro talagang ganoon. Tatlong malilibog na foreigners ang namyesta sa katawan ko, na-rape daw ako.

Sa tatlong beses akong nagahasa, ang pinakahuli ang di ko makakalimutan. Parang maski di ko ginusto ang mga nangyari, hinahanap-hanap ko siya. Tinulungan nya kasi akong makalimutan yung mga sadistang Hapon at Coño. Kase, ibang-iba ang hagod niya. Umiikot ang mundo ko sa tuwing ginagamit niya ako. Ibang klase siya mag-sorry, lalo pa at kinupkop niya ako at ang mga naging anak ko. Parating ang dami naming regalo - may chocolates, yosi, ano ka! May datung pa! Nakakabaliw siya, alam kong ginagamit nya lang ako pero pagamit naman ako nang pagamit. Sa kanya namin natutunan mag-inggles, di lang magsulat ha! Magbasa pa! Hanggang ngayon, sa tuwing mabigat ang problema ko, siya ang tinatakbuhan ko. 'Yun nga lang, lahat ng bagay may kapalit. Nung kinasama ko siya, guminhawa buhay namin. Sosyal na sosyal kami.

Ewan ko nga ba, akala ko napapamahal na ako sa kanya. Akala ko tuloy-tuloy na kaligayahan namin, yun pala unti-unti niya akong pinapatay. P*** ng I**! Sa dami ng lason na sinaksak niya sa katawan ko, muntik na akong malaspag. Ang daming nagsabi na ang tanga tanga ko. Patalsikin ko na daw. Sa tulong ng mga anak ko, napalayas ko ang animal pero ang hirap magsimula. Masyado na kaming nasanay sa sarap ng buhay na naranasan namin sa kanya. Lubog na lubog pa kami sa utang, kulang ata pati kaluluwa namin para ibayad sa mga inutang namin.

Sinikap naming lahat maging maganda ang buhay namin. Ayun, mga nasa Japan, Hong Kong, Saudi ang mga anak ko. Yung iba nag-US, Europe. 'Yung iba ayaw umalis sa akin. Halos lahat, wala naman silbi, masaya daw sa piling ko, maski amoy usok ako.

Sa dami ng mga anak ko na nagsisikap na tulungan ang kalagayan namin, siya din ang dami ng mga anak ko na namamantala sa kabuhayan at kayaman na itinatabi ko para sa punyetang kinabukasan naming lahat. Dumating ang panahon na di na kami halos makaahon sa hirap ng buhay. Napakahirap dahil nasanay na kami sa ginhawa at sarap.

Ang di ko inaakala ay mismong mga anak ko, ang tuluyang sisira sa akin. Napakasakit tanggapin na malinlang. Akala ko ay makakakita ako ng magiging kasama sa buhay sa mga ahas na pinakilala ng mga anak ko Hindi pala. Ang tanga ko talaga. Binugaw ako ng sarili kong mga anak kapalit ng kwarta at pansamantalang ginhawa na nais nilang matamasa. Wala na akong nagawa dahil sa sobrang pagmamahal ko sa aking mga anak. Wala
akong ibang yaman kundi ganda ko. Pinagamit ko na lang ng pinagamit ang sarili ko, basta maginhawa lang ang mga anak ko.

Usap-usapan ako ng mga kapitbahay ko. May nanghihinayang, namumuhi at naaawa. Puta na kase ang isang magandang tulad ko.

Alam mo, gusto ko na sanang tumigil sa pagpuputa kaso ang laki talaga ng letseng utang ko eh. Palaki pa ng palaki. Kulang na kulang. Paano na lang ang mga anak ko naiwan sa aking punyetang puder? Baka di na ako balikan o bisitahin ng mga nag-abroad kong mga anak. Hindi na importante kung laspagin man ang ganda ko, madama ko lang ang pagmamahal ng mga anak ko. Malaman nila
na gagawin ko ang lahat para sa kanila. Sa tuwing titingin ako sa salamin, alam ko maganda pa rin ako. Meron pa din ang bilib sa akin. Napapag usapan pa din. Sa tuwing nakikita ko ang mukha ko sa salamin, nakikita ko ang mga anak ko. Tutulo na lang ang mga luha ko ng di ko namamalayan. Ang gagaling nga ng mga anak ko, namamayagpag kahit saan sila pumunta. Mahusay sa kahit anong gawin. Tama man o mali. Proud ako sa kanila. Kaso sila, kabaligtaran ang nararamdaman para sa akin. Sa dami ng mga anak ko, iilan lang ang may malasakit sa akin. May malasakit man, nahihilaw. Ni di nga ako kinikilalang ina. Halos lahat sila galit sa isa't isa. Walang gusto magtulungan, naghihilahan pa. Ang dami ko ng pasakit na tiniis pero walang sasakit pa nung sarili kong mga anak ang nagbugaw sa akin. Kinapital ang laspag na ganda ko. Masyado silang nasanay sa sarap ng buhay. Minsan sa pagtingin ko sa salamin, ni hindi ko na nga kilala sarili
ko.

Dadating na naman ang pasko, sana maalala naman ako ng mga anak ko. Isang buwan pa, magbabagong taon na. Natatakot ako sa taong darating. Ngayon pa lang usap usapan na ang susunod na pagbubugaw ng ilan sa mga anak ko. Sana may magtanggol naman sa akin, ipaglaban naman nila ako. Gusto kong isigaw: "INA NINYO AKO! MAHALIN NYO NAMAN AKO!"

Sige, dumadrama na ako. Masisira na ang make up ko nito eh. Salamat ha, pinakinggan mo ako. Ay sorry, di ko nasabi pangalan ko.

Pilipinas nga pala.

Healthy Steps Toward Reducing Daily Stress

Release Your Stress
Here are some healthy habits you can integrate into your daily grind to free yourself from stress forever.

1. Cut the Caffeine: Caffeine stimulates the adrenaline release. Give up the cup of coffee and opt for the therapeutic benefits of caffeine-free herbal teas.

Or you can cut down on your caffeine intake by substituting green tea for coffee, which usually has 1/3 of the caffeine of a cup of coffee, but with the benefits of the antioxidant polyphenols.

2. Meditation: A daily meditation program is can be your number one method to decompress at the end of a busy day and release tension.

3. Take a Breather: Exhale the stress away. Specific exercises can detoxify your body and revitalize your being. Try this exercise, adapted from Chinese qigong and make your goal to slow down, smooth out, and deepen each breath.

With every exhalation, utter the word calm in your mind and breathe out the tension from a part of your body, starting from the top of your head and working your way down through each part of your body until you get to your feet. Release the remaining tension through your toes and the bottoms of your feet.

4. Cleanse the Clutter: Have you ever heard the saying that what you own soon owns you? Not only do these unnecessary items consume much of your energy for cleaning and maintenance, they also add to the clutter, making you disorganized and increasing your stress level. Cut back and let go. A good rule of thumb is that anything you haven't used in six months can be given away to charity.

5. Lighten Your Schedule: Cut back on the commitments in your calendar of events. If you are really scrambling for some free time, try writing in a day a week to just spend alone and relax...and stick to it!

6. Reframe Your Perspective: As you move through your day, pay attention to what causes you feelings of stress. Our response has much to do with how it will affect us; by reframing our perspective on stressful situations, we can often see that the danger is largely an illusion and maintain a calm frame of mind.

May you live long, live strong, and live happy!

The Pink Dress

There was this little girl sitting by herself in the park.

Everyone passed by her and never stopped to see why she looked so sad.

Dressed in a worn pink dress, barefoot and dirty, the girl just sat and watched the people go by.

She never tried to speak.

She never said a word.

Many people passed by her, but no one would stop.

The next day I decided to go back to the park in curiosity to see if the little girl would still be there.

Yes, she was there, right in the very spot where she was
yesterday, and still with the same sad look in her eyes.

Today I was to make my own move and walk over to the little girl.

For as we all know, a park full of strange people is not a place for young children to play alone.

As I got closer I could see the back of the little girl's dress.

It was grotesquely shaped.

I figured that was the reason people just passed by and made no effort to speak to her.

Deformities are a low blow to our society and, heaven forbid if you make a step toward assisting someone who is different.

As I got closer, the little girl lowered her eyes slightly to av oid my intent stare.

As I approached her, I could see the shape of her back more clearly.

She was grotesquely shaped in a humped over form.

I smiled to let her know it was OK; I was there to help, to talk.

I sat down beside her and opened with a simple, "Hello."

The little girl acted shocked, and stammered a "hi"; after a long stare into my eyes.

I smiled and she shyly smiled back.

We talked until darkness fell and the park was completely empty.

I asked the girl why she was so sad.

The little girl looked at me with a sad face said, "Because, I'm different."

I immediately said, "That you are!"; and smiled.

The little girl acted even sadder and said, "I know."

"Little girl," I said, "you remind me of an angel, sweet and innocent."

She looked at me and smiled, then slowly she got to her feet and said, "Really?"
"Yes, you're like a little Guardian Angel sent to watch
over all people walking by."

She nodded her head yes, and smiled.

With that she opened the back of her pink dress and allowed her wings to spread, then she said "I am."

"I'm your Guardian Angel," with a twinkle in her eye.

I was speechless -- sure I was seeing things.

She said, "For once you thought of someone other than yourself. My job here is done".

I got to my feet and said, "Wait, why did no one stop to help an angel?"

She looked at me, smiled, and said, "You're the only one that could see me," and then she was gone.

And with that, my life was changed dramatically.

So, when yo u think you're all you have, remember, your angel is always watching over you.

Pass this to everyone that means anything at all to you.

Make sure you send it back to the person who sent it to you, to let them know you're glad they care about you.

Like the story says, we all need someone...
And, every one of your friends is an Angel in their own way.
The value of a friend is measured in the heart.
I hope your Guardian Angel watches over you always.

Fatherless Homes...

Father's Day is a time to commemorate and honor the most important men in our lives – our fathers. And in these perilous times I think it's all the more important for us to do this, since without their leadership in our homes, we are doomed as a culture.
I don't want to come off as overdramatic, but our country is in desperate need of real fathers, today more than ever before. Most of our social ills today can be directly traced to the lack of fathers in our homes.

Consider some of our nation's most serious problems. Studies show that the most reliable predictor of these behaviors is neither income nor race, but the absence of the father:

Fact: 90 percent of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. Bureau of the Census).
Fact: 85 percent of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes (Source: Centers for Disease Control).

Fact: 85 percent of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in a fatherless home (Source: Fulton County, Ga., jail populations, Texas Department of Corrections 1992).

Fact: 80 percent of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes (Source: Centers for Disease Control).

Fact: 75 percent of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes (Source: Rainbows for all God's Children).

Fact: 71 percent of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes (Source: National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools).

Fact: Over 70 percent of teenage pregnancies are to children of single parents (Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services).

Fact: 63 percent of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. Bureau of the Census).

Alfred A. Messer notes that "father hunger" often afflicts boys whose fathers are suddenly and permanently absent. Sleep disturbances, such as trouble falling asleep, nightmares and night terrors frequently begin within months after the father leaves home.

Children from fatherless families often have less of an ability to delay gratification and exhibit poorer impulse control (that is, control over anger and sexual gratification.) These children also have a weaker sense of conscience, or sense of right and wrong.

In short, innumerable studies indicate fatherless children are at a dramatically greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse, mental illness, suicide, poor educational performance, teen pregnancy and criminality. Without men around as role models, adolescent boys create their own rites of passage, perhaps getting a girl pregnant or dealing drugs or murdering a rival. And adolescent girls subconsciously seek to win back their father's love, often engaging in promiscuity and attention-getting behaviors.

Why are many men today drifting further and further away from family life? What is the cause of the "Fatherless Society" we live in? Is the notion of fatherhood itself becoming obsolete?

Researchers at the University of Newcastle in Great Britain claim they are on the verge of creating sperm cells from bone marrow. This would allow women to conceive children completely without men. According to these researchers, men might eventually become biologically unnecessary for women to bear children.

Meanwhile, Kay S. Hymowitz argues that artificial insemination is already redefining the family. In "The Incredible Shrinking Father," she explains our culture is fast moving to recognize a class of persons who never existed before – children without fathers. Or even children with two mothers.

Despite the world's technology and the rejection of the Christian view of marriage as the union of one man and one woman, Christians understand the potential impact of a godly father is almost immeasurable.

Fathers are the visible link their children will ultimately have to their Father in Heaven. The viewpoint our children will develop about God will come from fathers more than any other place.

The famous rapper Tupac Shakur grew up in a New York City ghetto. In 1996, he was gunned down in a drive-by shooting. Of his life he said:

I know for a fact if I had a father, I'd have some discipline. I'd have more confidence. Your mother can't calm you down the way a man can. Your mother can't reassure you the way a man can. Your mother can't show you where your manhood was. You need a man to teach you how to be a man.
Men, your influence upon your kids is enormous. The Scriptures say, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4). Take the time to share your life with your kids. Tell them you love them and you're proud of them. Be there for them and show them the character and heart of a godly man.

British preacher C.H. Spurgeon once wrote, "A good character is the best tombstone. Those who loved you, and were helped by you, will remember you. So carve your name on hearts and not on marble."

Men, I am calling on you today to be the fathers God has called you to be. You cannot even think about deserting. You are on the front lines. Our wives, our families, our communities and our country need you.

by: Pastor Greg Laurie

Ang OXYGEN Bow..

Nag-aaral ako sa isang sikat na University.

Ang dami kong kaklaseng Intsik. Apelyidong Uy, Lim, Tan, Co, Go, Chua,
Chi, Sy, Wy, at kung anu-ano pa. Pero sa kanilang lahat kay Gilbert Go
ako naging malapit. Mayaman si Gilbert kaya mangyari pa, madalas siya
ang taya sa tuwing gigimik ang barkada.

Isang araw na-ospital ang kanyang ama. Sinamahan ko siya sa pagdalaw.
Nasa ICU na noon ang kanyang ama dahil sa stroke. Naron din ang ilan sa
kanyang malalapit na kamag-anak.

Nag-usap sila. Intsik ang kanilang usapan.... hindi ko maintindihan.

Pagkatapos ng ilang minutong usap-usap, nagkayayaan nang umuwi. Maiwan
daw muna ako at pakibantayan ang kanyang ama habang inihahatid nya ang
kanyang mga kamag-anak palabas ng ospital. Lumipat ako sa gawing kaliwa
ng kama ng kanyang ama para ilapag ang mga iniwan nilang mga gamit na
kakailanganin ng magbabantay sa ospital. Nang akmang ilalapag ko na ay
biglang nangisay ang matanda.

Hinahabol nya ang kanyang hininga... Kinuyom nya ang kanyang palad at
paulit-ulit siyang nagsalita ng wikang intsik na hindi ko maintindihan.

"Di ta guae yong khee"..... "Di ta guae yong khee"... "Di ta guae yong
khee".. paulit-ulit nya itong binigkas bago siya malagutan ng hininga.

Pagbalik ni Gilbert ay patay na ang kanyang ama. Ikinagulat nya ang
pangyayari ngunit marahil ay tanggap na rin nya na papanaw na ang
kanyang ama. Walang tinig na namutawi sa kanyang bibig. Ngunit iyon na
yata ang pinakamasidhing pagluha na nasaksihan ko.

Nagpa-alam muna ako, dahil siguradong magdadatingin uli ang kanyang mga
kamag-anak.

Sumakay ako ng taksi pauwi. Habang nasa taksi.. tinawagan ko ang iba pa
naming kabarkada. Una kong tinawagan si Noel Chua. Dahil marunong si
Noel mag-intsik, tinanong ko muna kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng "Di ta
guae yong khee".
"Huwag mong apakan ang oxygen. "... "Bakit saan mo ba narinig 'yan?".

Words To Live By

- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
- For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
- He who hesitates is probably right.
- No one is listening until you make a mistake.
- Success always occurs in private, and failure always occurs in full view.
- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
- Two wrongs are only the beginning.
- Monday is an awful way to spend 14.3% of your life.
- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
- The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an oncoming train.
- If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
- Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
- Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!"
- On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
- Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
- Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.
- I still miss my ex-husband, but my aim is improving.
- Stupidity got us into this mess - why can't it get us out?
- Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
- I considered atheism but there weren't enough holidays.
- I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it.
- Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
- I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
- Not afraid of heights-afraid of widths.
- A day without sunshine is like night.
- I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

Reasons Why The English Language Is Hard To Learn

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Quotations about age

We spend our lives on the run: we get up by the clock, eat and sleep by the clock, get up again, go to work - and then we retire. And what do they give us? A bloody clock.
- - - - Dave Allen

When you reach forty you can’t do anything every day.
- - - - Henry “Hank” Aaron

When you are forty, half of you belongs to the past...
And when you are seventy, nearly all of you.
- - - - Jean Anouilh

I refuse to admit I'm more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate.
- - - - Lady Nancy Astor

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
- - - - Lucille Ball

If I were younger, I'd know more.
- - - - James Barrie

A man is not old until his regrets take the place of dreams.
- - - - John Barrymore, "Good Night, Sweet Prince" 1943

To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am.
- - - - Bernard M. Baruch

Grow old along with me!
The best is yet to be.
The last of life, for which the first was made.
- - - - Robert Browning “'Rabbi Ben Ezra”

What Youth deemed crystal,
Age finds out was dew.
- - - - Robert Browning

Years steal
Fire from the mind as vigour from the limb,
And life's enchanted cup but sparkles near the brim.
- - - - George Gordon, Lord Byron “Childe Harold's Pilgrimage”

Nature gives you the face you have at twenty; it is up to you to merit the face you have at fifty.
- - - - Coco Chanel

I prefer old age to the alternative.
- - - - Maurice Chevalier

One keeps on forgetting old age up to the very brink of the grave.
- - - - Colette

Old age is no place for sissies.
- - - - Bette Davis

As one grows older, one becomes wiser and more foolish.
- - - - François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld

I grow old . . . I grow old . . .
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.
- - - - T. S. Eliot “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock”

We do not count a man's years until he has nothing else to count.
- - - - Ralph Waldo Emerson

If youth but knew; if age but could.
- - - - Henri Estienne

At twenty years of age, the will reigns; at thirty the wit; at forty the judgment.
- - - - Benjamin Franklin

Men, like peaches and pears, grow sweet a little while before they begin to decay.
- - - - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

Old age is like an opium dream. Nothing seems real except the unreal.
- - - - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
- - - - Bob Hope

After a man passes sixty, his mischief is mainly in his head.
- - - - Edgar Watson Howe

Perhaps being old is having lighted rooms inside your head, and people in them, acting. People you know, yet can't quite name.
- - - - Philip Larkin

I have everything I had twenty years ago, only it’s all a little bit lower.
- - - - Gypsy Rose Lee

For age is opportunity no less
Than youth itself, though in another dress,
And as the evening twilight fades away,
The sky is filled with stars invisible by day.
- - - - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow "Morituri Salutamus" 1875

After thirty, a body has a mind of its own.
- - - - Bette Midler

At age fifty, every man has the face he deserves.
- - - - George Orwell

Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
- - - - Satchel Paige

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you was?
- - - - Satchel Paige

Age seldom arrives smoothly or quickly. It’s more often a succession of jerks.
- - - - Jean Rhys

Old Age: First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down.
- - - - Leo Rosenberg

Some reckon their age by years,
Some measure their life by art;
But some tell their days by the flow of their tears
And their lives by the moans of their hearts.
- - - - Abram Joseph Ryan

Every man over forty is a scoundrel.
- - - - George Bernard Shaw “Maxims for Revolutionists”

When men reach their sixties and retire they go to pieces. Women just go right on cooking.
- - - - Gail Sheehy

Said the little boy, “Sometimes I drop my spoon.”
Said the old man, “I do that too.”
The little boy whispered, “I wet my pants.”
“I do that too,” laughed the old man.”
Said the little boy, “I often cry.”
The old man nodded, “So do I.”
“But worst of all,” said the boy, “it seems
Grown-ups don’t pay attention to me.”
And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand.
“I know what you mean,” said the old man.
- - - - Shel Silverstein

Youth is the time for adventures of the body, but age for the triumphs of the mind.
- - - - Logan Pearsall Smith

Old age is the most unexpected of all the things that happen to a man.
- - - - Leon Trotsky

Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting out ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.
- - - - Samuel Ullman

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.
- - - - Kurt Vonnegut


Be wise with speed;
A fool at forty is a fool indeed.
- - - - Edward Young

Like our shadows,
Our wishes lengthen as our sun declines.
- - - - Edward Young “Night Thoughts”

We have a saying in the movement that we don't trust anybody over thirty.
- - - - Jack Weinberg

The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything.
- - - - Oscar Wilde

Definition..

School:
A place where Papa Pays and Son Plays.

Life Insurance:
A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse:
A person who wakes up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage:
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Divorce:
Future tense of Marriage.

Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

Lecture:
An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

Conference:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary:
A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Classic:
Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience:
The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher:
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Diplomat:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Opportunist:
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

Optimist:
A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

Miser:
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Father:
A banker provided by nature.

Criminal:
A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.

Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Beautifully stated...

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.

You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.

You'll fight with your best friend.

You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
You'll cry bec ause time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

'Don't be afraid that your life will end,
be afraid that it will never begin.'

Why, Why, Why

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE ...The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
( Well I'm Okay )

The Carpenter

An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer- contractor of his plans to leave the house- building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife enjoying his extended family. He would miss the paycheck, but he needed to retire. They could get by.
The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end a dedicated career.
When the carpenter finished his work the employer came to inspect the house. He handed the front-door key to the carpenter.
"This is your house," he said, "my gift to you."
The carpenter was shocked! What a shame!
If he had only known he was building his own house, he would have done it all so differently.
So it is with us. We build our lives, a day at a time, often putting less than our best into the building. Then with a shock we realize we have to live in the house we have built. If we could do it over, we'd do it much differently. But we cannot go back.
You are the carpenter. Each day you hammer a nail, place a board, or erect a wall. "Life is a do-it-yourself project," someone has said. Your attitudes and the choices you make today, build the "house" you live in tomorrow. Build wisely!
~Author Unknown~

Joke na naman...

IBANG POSISYON:
Husband: Shall we try a different position tonight?
Wife: Thats a good idea dear!... doon ka sa may plantsahan at ako naman ang
uupo sa sofa at manoood ng tv.

PINOY INGENUITY?
A Filipino doctor has introduced the use of a device that enlarges a man's
sex organ by up to 5 times with no side effects. It is called a magnifiying
glass.

VIBRATING CELLPHONE:
Mrs: Bilis! Nahulog cellphone ko sa loob ng panty ko, "nagbavibrate."
Mr: E, anong gagawin ko? Dudukutin ko ba sa loob ng panty mo?
Mrs: Gago! Kunin mo yung charger, baka ma-low batt!

REGALO:
Mare: Di yata nagustuhan ni Pare ang birthday gift mo, ah...
Mrs: Oo nga, 7 months na, di pa rin ginagamit.
Mare: Bakit, ano ba regalo mo sa kanya?
Mrs: Memorial Plan.

KRIMINAL:
KRIMINAL 1: "Pare, sigurado ka bang dito dadaan yung papatayin natin?"
KRIMINAL 2: "Oo, nagtataka nga ako, 1 oras na tayo dito, wala parin siya!
Sana naman walang nangyarin! g masama sa kanya...

SI GINO:
LOLO: Gino, paabot nga ng kape ko.
APO: 'lo, Gina po.
LOLO: Gino, paabot nga ng kutchara.
APO: 'lo, Gina po.
LOLO: Punyeta ka, Gino! Tigil-tigilan mo yang kabaklaan mo!

TUTPIK:
Kustomer: Ano ba naman itong tutpik nyo, iisa na nga lang, ang dali pang
mabali!
Waiter (inis): Alam nyo, sir, ang dami nang gumamit nyan, pero kayo lang
nakabali!

CONFIDENT VS CONFIDENTIAL:
Anak: Itay, ano ang kaibahan ng confident sa confidential?
Itay: Anak kita, CONFIDENT ako dyan. Yung bespren mong si Tikboy, anak ko
rin, CONFIDENTIAL yan.

FIRST LOVE NEVER DIES:
Anak: Inay, totoo ba na "First love never dies"?
Nanay: Aba, oo. Tignan mo yang tatay mo, hangga ngayon, buhay pa ang
animal!

SUKO SA MISTER:
Mrs 1: Suko na ako sa mister ko, lagi na lang ako binubugbog bago
niroromansa...
Mrs 2: Mas grabe yung mister ko. Binubugbog ako tapos si Inday ang
niroromansa.

PAGOD DAW.....
Mrs: Ano ba? Two days na tayong kasal, 'la pa rin.
Mr: Kasi pagod ako.
Mrs: Sige ka, pag ayaw mo, maghahanap ako ng lalaki.
Mr: Sige, gawin mong dalawa, tig isa tayo!

PARI AT MADRE:
Pari: Sister, ikaw ba ang nasa CR? Kukunin ko lang toothbrush ko...
Sister: Sandali, naka-panty lang ako.
Pari: Ok, antay ako.
Sister: Pasok na, wala na akong panty!

ESTUDYANTE:
Bugaw: Sir, Chicks P1,500, estudiante!
Man: Ganun ba? Hanapan mo ako ng mga P1,000 lang pero mas magaling pa sa
estudiante.
Bugaw: Meron din, sir. Ang PRINCIPAL, okey yun!

AFTER THE WEDDING:
Husband: Sinungaling ka, sabi mo virgin ka! Bakit kagabi maluwag na!
Wife: Ulol ka! Dahil lasing ka, katabi mo kagabi si mama!

PAMBOBOSO:
Anak: Inay, sinisilip ng kaklase ko 'yung panty ko!
Inay: Bastos 'yun ah! Ano'ng ginawa mo?
Anak: Hinubad ko at itinago ko 'yung panty, para 'di nya makita!

PROMOTION:
Judge: Ikaw na naman! Sampung taon ka nang humaharap sa korte ko ah!
Swindler: Your Honor, di ko kasalanan kung hindi po kayo ma-promote.

AMPON:
Anak: 'Nay, tinutukso po ako ng kalaro ko na anak ako sa labas!
Nanay: Hindi totoo 'yan, anak. Ang sabihin mo sa kanila, ampon ka!

ANG SULAT:
Patient: Dok, malungkot dito sa mental kaya naisipan kong sulatan ang
sarili ko...
Doc: E ano naman ang laman ng sulat mo?
Patient: Di ko pa po alam kasi next wik ko pa ata matatangap...

LIIT NAMAN:
Wife: Honey... bili mo naman ako ng bra...
Husband: Hon.. wag ka nang magbra...liit naman dede mo e..
Wife: E ba't ikaw, naka-brief!?

DOWNY:
GIRL: Ang puti naman ng bird mo...
BOY: Aba, syempre ah! Likas papaya ata gamit ko diyan!
GIRL: Ginagamitan m o rin ba ng Downy?
BOY: Baket? Bango ba?
GIRL: Lambot eh!!!

HIDE AND SEEK:
GIRL: Hide and seek tayo. If you find me, papayag akong makipag-sex sa
'yo...
BOY: Eh, kung di kita makita?
GIRL: Nasa likod lang ako ng piano...

MADRE:
dalawang madre nirereyp ng goons....
Madre 1: Jusko, patawarin mo po sila...hindi nila nalalaman ang kanilang
ginagawa!
Madre2: Ay, yung sa akin marunong!!!!

RAPE SUSPEK:
ATTY: Inday, pwede mo bang idiskrayb dito sa korte ang taong nangreype sa
'yo?
INDAY: Maitim, panot, tagyawatin, pango ilong, at bungal...
SUSPEK: Sige!...mang-asar ka pa!!!!

NATURAL HIGHS

1. Being in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No queues at the supermarket.
5. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
6. Hearing your favourite song on the radio.
7. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
8. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
9. Chocolate milkshake ... (or vanilla ... or strawberry!)
10. A bubble bath.
11. Giggling.
12. A good conversation.
13. Finding a $20 note in your coat from last winter.
14. Running through sprinklers.
15. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
16. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
17. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
18. Waking up and realising you still have a few hours left to sleep.
19. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
20. Having someone play with your hair.
21. Sweet dreams.
22. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
23. Holding hands with someone you care about.
24. Running into an old friend and realising that some things (good or bad) never change.
25. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much-desired present from you.
26. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
27. Knowing that somebody misses you.
28. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
29. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.

Why I fired My Secretary ...

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel
very well waking up that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my
wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy
Birthday!", and possibly have a present
for me.

As it turned out, she barely said good
morning, let alone "Happy Birthday."

I thought... Well, that's marriage for you,
but the kids will remember.

My kids came in to breakfast and didn't say a
word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty
low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane
said, "Good Morning Boss,Happy Birthday!"
It felt a little better that at
least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock and then Jane
knocked on my door and said,
"You know, it's such a beautiful day outside,
and it's your birthday, let's go out to lunch, just
you and me." I said, "Thanks Jane, that's
the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we
normally would go. We dined instead at a little
place with a private table. We had two martinis
each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the
way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, it's
such a beautiful day..We don't need to go back to
the office, do we?"

I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in
mind?" She said, "Let's go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned
to me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind,
I'm going to step into the bedroom for a
moment. I'll be right back."

"Ok." I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple
of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birth-
day cake .. Followed by my wife, kids, and dozens
of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy
Birthday".

And I just sat there...

On the couch..
Naked

Hands!

A basketball in my hands is worth about $19.
A basketball in Michael Jordan's hands is worth about $33 million.
It depends whose hands it's in.

A baseball in my hands is worth about $6.
A baseball in Mark McGuire's hands is worth $19 million.
It depends on whose hands it's in.

A tennis racket is useless in my hands.
A tennis racket in Venus Williams' hands is a championship winning.
It depends whose hands it's in.

A rod in my hands will keep away a wild animal.
A rod in Moses' hands will part the mighty sea.
It depends whose hands it's in.

A sling shot in my hands is a kid's toy
A sling shot in David's hand is a mighty weapon.
It depends whose hands it's in.

Two fish and 5 loaves of bread in my hands is a couple of fish sandwiches.
Two fish and 5 loaves of bread in God's hands will feed thousands.
It depends whose hands it's in.

Nails in my hands might produce a birdhouse.
Nails in Jesus Christ's hands will
produce salvation for the entire world.
It depends whose hands it's in.

Questions without answers:

1. Does Jennifer Love Hewitt?
2. Where did Vincent van Gogh? Did Rolito Go with him?
3. Why is Norman Black and Redford White? Well then, is Charlie Brown?
4. Where did Sandara Park?
5. Is Chow Yun-Fat?
6. What did Henry Sy?
7. Is Lucio Tan?
8. When will Orlando Bloom?
9. Who did Sharon Stone?
10. If the sky is high, is Ricky Lo?
11. How did the Cardinal Sin?
12. Does anyone know Victoria’s Secret?

THE BETTER SIDE OF THE PHILIPPINES

The following was written by INTEL General Manager Robin Martin about the Philippines :

Filipinos (including the press, business people and myself) tend to dwell too much on the negative side, and this affects the perception of foreigners, even the ones who have lived here for a while. The negative perception of the Philippines is way disproportionate to reality when compared to countries like Colombia , Egypt , Middle East, Africa , etc.

Let us all help our country by balancing the negative with the positive especially when we talk to foreigners, whether based here or abroad.Looking back and comparing the Philippines today and 1995 (the year I came back), I was struck by how much our country has progressed physically.

Consider the following:

1. The great telecom infrastructure that we have now did not exist in 1995. 1995 was the year the telecom industry was deregulated. Since then billions of dollars have been invested in both fixed line and cellular networks producing a system with over 5,000 kms of fiber optic backbone at a world competitive cost. From a fixed line capacity of about 900,000 in 1995 we now have over 7 million. Cellular phones practically did not exist in 1995; now we have over 11 million line capacity.

2. The MRT, many of the EDSA flyovers (including the Ayala Avenue flyover), the SKYWAY, Rockwell and Glorietta 4, the Fort, NAIA terminal 2 and most of the new skyscrapers were not yet built in 1995.

3. If you drive to the provinces, you will notice that national roads are now of good quality (international quality asphalt roads). I just went to Iba, Zambales last week and I was impressed that even a not so frequently travelled road was of very good quality.

4. Philippine exports have increased by 600% over the past eight years. There are many, many more examples of progress over the last eight years. Philippine mangoes are now exported to the US and Europe .

Additional tidbits to make our people prouder:

1. INTEL has been in the Philippines for 28 years. The Philippines plant is where Intel's most advanced products are launched, including the Pentium IV. By the end of 2002, Philippine operations became Intel's biggest assembly and testing operations worldwide.

2. TEXAS INSTRUMENTS has been operating in Baguio for over 20 years. The Baguio plant is the largest producer of DSP chips in the world. DSP chips are the brains behind cellphones. TI's Baguio plant produces the chip that powers 100% of all NOKIA cellphones and 80% of Erickson cellphones in the world.

3. TOSHIBA laptops are produced in Santa Rosa , Laguna.

4. If you drive a BENZ, BMW, or a VOLVO, there is a good chance that the ABS system in your car was made in the Philippines .

5. TREND-MICRO, makers of one of the top anti virus software PC-Cillin (I may have mispelled this) develops its "cures" for viruses right here in Eastwood Libis, Quezon City . When a virus breaks in any computer system in the world, they try to find a solution within 45 minutes of finding the virus.

6 . Today a majority of the top ten U.S. Call Center firms in the U.S. have set up operations in the Philippines . This is one area in which I believe we are the best in the world in terms of value for money.

7. America Online (AOL) has 1,000 people in Clark answering 90% of AOL's global e-mail inquiries.

8. PROCTOR & GAMBLE has over 400 people right here in Makati (average age 23 years) doing back-up office work to their Asian operations including finance, accounting, Human Resources and payments processing.

9. Among many other things it does for its regional operations network in the Asia-Pacific region here in Manila , CITIBANK also does its global ATM programming locally.

10. This is the first year ever that the Philippines will be exporting cars in quantity courtesy of FORD Philippines. (I have an idea this article was written between 2001 - 2002, so this operation should have been on-going for the last 3 years or so. CYN)

11. The government is shedding off graft and corruption slowly but surely. This is the first time in our history that a former president is in jail and facing charges of plunder. Despite all odds, we are still pursuing the ill-gotten wealth of Marcos now enjoyed by his unrepentant heirs.

Next time you travel abroad and meet business associates tell them the good news. A big part of our problem is perception and one of the biggest battles can be won simply by believing and by making others believe. This message is shared by good citizens of the Philippines who persevere to hope and work for our country.

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Try everything twice. On one tombstone there is this epitaph: Tried everything twice...loved it both times!
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
(keep this in mind, if you are one of those grouches;)
3. Keep learning: Learn more about the life, family, computer, crafts,
gardening, health, quality, excellence..... whatever! NEVER let the brain get idle.
"An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And one devil's name is Alzheimer's!
4. Enjoy the simple things and be Humble.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER.
6. The tears happen: Grieve, endure, then move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. LIVE while you are alive. Watch the sunrise and sunset; go to the beach and the mountains; lie on your back and look at the moon and stars; cuddle a baby in your arms, play with children... and the child in you, let the child come-out, wonder at nature, enjoy God's incredible creation and wallow unashamedly in its mystery.
7. Surround yourself with what you love.... whether it's family, children, grandchildren..... music, colors, keepsakes.... plants, hobbies, whatever.
Your home is your refuge. Share it when you can.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help, and, don't wait.
9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, across the country, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity....your mom, your dad, your wife, your husband, your children, your brother, your sister, your grandparents, your friends.
11. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second time to forgive.

Remember:
What we are,
is God's gift to us.
What we become,
is our gift to God.

ANG SARAP MAGING SENADOR!

Maganda rin naman ang naidudulot ng pagiging prangka ni Senador Miriam
Defensor-Santiago. Ayon kay Santiago, marami ang tumatakbong Senador dahil
sa laki ng budget na ibinibigay sa kanila kada buwan.

Lumalabas na P35,000 suweldo nila kada buwan ay pakitang-tao lang sa
milyun-milyong budget ng bawat senador. Kada buwan ay may Fixed Monthly
Budget ang bawat Senador ng humigit-kumulang P2 Milyon.

Sa opisina pa lang nila ay humigit-kumulang P500,000 and budget nila sa
Maintenance and Operating Expenses (Rental, Utilities, Supplies at Domestic
Travels) at P500,000 para sa Staff at Personal expenses. Kaya para makatipid
ang ibang Senador, kaunti lang ang staff na kinukuha nila. Nagtataka ka pa
kung bakit mayroong mga Ghost Employee?

Bukod diyan, may P760,000 allowance pa sila kada buwan para naman sa Foreign
Travel. At ang masakit pa nito, hindi na kailngan i-liquidate ang mga resibo
ng mga gastusin 'yan kundi Certification lang ang Requirement.

Heto pa, lahat sila ay Chairman ng mg Komite sa Senado. Ang Committee
Chairman ay tumatanggap din ng budget na sinlaki ng tinatanggap ng mga
Senador na humigit-kumulang P1 Milyon din! Hindi sila mawawalan ng Komite
dahil 24 lang ang ating mga Senador at 37 naman ang Committee sa Senado.
There's food for everybody 'ika nga! Lumalabas na doble ang kanilang
benepesiyo at kita kapag sila ay nabiyayaan ng Committee Chairmanship.

Sa P200 milyon na Budget para sa Pork Barrel ng mga Senador bawat taon,
awtomatikong may 10% na S.O.P. o kita ng Senador na P20 milyon. Ito ang
porsiyento na ibinibigay ng mga kontratista sa mga Senador na nagbibigay sa
kanila ng mga Infrastructure at Livelihood Project.

Bago matapos ang termino ng isang Senador, kumita na siya ng P100 milyon sa
Pork Barrel pa lang. Yung ibang Senador mas gahaman, hindi lang 10% kundi 20
- 30% ang komisyon hinihingi sa mga kontratista.

Pansinin niyo na lang ang pagbabago ng buhay ng ilan sa ating mga Senador
simula nang manungkulan sa puwesto. Kung dati ay simple lang ang kanilang
pamumuhay ngayon ay nakatira na sila sa mga eksklusibong subdivision,
maraming bahay sa Pilipinas at abroad at mahigit lima ang sasakyan.

Ngayon nagtataka ka pa ba kung bakit gumagastos ng daan-daang milyongpiso
ang mga Senador sa kampanya para sa isang posisyon na P35,000 lang ang
suweldo kada buwan? Bawing-bawi pala ang gastos kapag naupo na!

ANG SARAP MAGING SENADOR ! ! !

PLEASE FORWARD TO AS MANY OF YOUR FRIENDS AND LET THE WHOLE COUNTRY KNOW
THAT ELECTION IS MORE OF PUTTING AMBITIOUS PEOPLE IN POSITION WHO ARE GREEDY
IN POWER, WEALTH & PRESTIGE THAN OF PUBLIC SERVICE. ANG MASAKIT PA PERA NG
BAYAN PARIN GAGAMITIN SA ELEKSYON MALUKLOK LANG ANG MGA BUWAYA SA PWESTO

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
______________________________

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
_____________________________

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
_____________________________

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
_____________________________

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
______________________________

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
______________________________

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
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DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
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HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

PINOYS AND PINAYS...

Meron akong gustong ibahagi para sa ating lahat na mga PILIPINO.
Simple pero parang mahirap gawin ng karamihan sa atin.
Hindi ito makukuha sa puro daldalan lang or walang kabuluhang
pagtatalo,kumilos tayo ngayon na.

Sa ibang bansa: Pag nagkasala ang Pinoy, pinarusahan siya ayon
sa batas.
Sa PINAS: Pag nagkasala ang ang Pinoy,ayaw niyang maparusahan
kasi sabi niya mali raw ang batas.
Sa ibang bansa: Pinag-aaralan muna ng Pinoy ang mga batas bago
siya pumunta roon, kasi takot siyang magkamali.
Sa PINAS: Pag nagkamali ang Pinoy, sorry kasi
hindi raw niya alam na labag sa batas iyon.
Sa ibang bansa: Kahit gaano kataas ang bilihin at tax sa USA okey lang,
katuwiran natin doble kayod na lang.
Sa PINAS: mahilig ka sa last day para magbayad ng tax minsan
dinadaya mo pa o kaya hindi ka nagbabayad.
Rally ka kaagad kapag tumaas ang pasahe at bilihin imbes na magsipag
mas gusto natin ang nagkukwentuhan lang sa munisipyo o kahit sa
alinmang tanggapan.

Sa Singapore: Kapag nahuli kang nagkalat or nagtapon ng basura sa
hindi tamang lugar, magbabayad ka na 500 Singapore dollars. Sabi
ng Pinoy, okey lang kasi lumabag ako sa batas.
Sa Pinas: Kapag nagkamali ang Pinoy katulad nang ganito, Sabi ng Pinoy,
ang lupit naman ni Bayani Fernando, mali naman ang pinaiiral niyang batas
eh akala mo kung sino.
Ayun nag-rally na ang Pinoy gustong patalsikin si Bayani Fernando kahit na
alam niyang mali siya.
Mga igan, ilan pa lang iyan baka may iba pa kayong alam.
Bakit ang PINOY, pwedeng maging "law abiding citizen sa ibang bansa
ng walang angal" pero sa sarili nating bayang PILIPINAS na sinasabi
ninyong mahal natin, eh hindi natin magawa, BAKIIITTTTT?????????

Ang Pilipino NOON at NGAYON....

NOON: Wow ang sarap ng kamote (kahit nakaka-utot)
NGAYON: Ayaw ko ng kamote gusto ko French Fries (imported eh)
NOON: Wow ang sarap ng kapeng barako
NGAYON: Ayaw ko niyan gusto kong kape sa
STARBUCKS (imported coffee 100 pesos per cup)
NOON: Bili ka ng tela para magpatahi ng pantalon like maong
NGAYON: Gusto ko LEVI'S, WRANGLER, LEE
(Tapos rally tayo "GMA tuta ng KANO") Di ba tuta ka rin naman.
NOON: Sabon na Perla OK ng pampaligo
NGAYON: Gusto mo DOVE, HENO DE PRAVIA,IVORY, etc. may matching shampoo pa
NOON: Pag naglaba ka batya at palopalo ok na,minsan banlaw lang sa batis
pwede na
NGAYON: Naka-washing machine ka na plus
ARIEL powder soap with matching DOWNY pa para mabango

Alam ko mas marami pa ang alam ninyo tungkol dito, pero ilan ilan lang
iyan para bigyan ng pansin.
Mga Pilipino nga ba tayo? O baka sa salita lang at E-Mail pero wala
naman sa gawa.

My Fellow Filipinos...

When I was small, the Philippine peso was P7 to the $dollar.
The president was Diosdado Macapagal.
Life was simple. Life was easy. My father was a farmer.
My mother kept a small sari-sari store where our neighbors bought
sang-perang asin, sang-perang bagoong, sang-perang suka,
sang-perang toyo at pahinging isang butil na bawang. Our backyard
had kamatis, kalabasa, talong, ampalaya, upo, batao, and okra.
Our silong had chicken. We had a pig, dog & cat. And of course,
we lived on the farm. During rainy season, my father caught frogs
at night which my mother made into batute (stuffed frog), or just
plain fried. During the day, he caught hito and dalag from his rice
paddies, which he would usually inihaw. During dry season, we relied
on the chickens, vegetables, bangus, tuyo, and tinapa. Every now and
then, there was pork and beef from the town market. Life was so peaceful,
so quiet, no electricity, no TV. Just the radio for Tia Dely, Roman Rapido,
Tawag ng Tanghalan and Tang-tarang-tang. And who can forget Leila
Benitez on Darigold Jamboree? On weekends, I played with my neighbors
(who were all my cousins). Tumbang-preso, taguan, piko, luksong lubid,
patintero, at iba pa. I don't know about you, but I miss those days.

These days, we face the TV, Internet, e-mail, newspaper, magazine,
grocery catalog, or drive around The peso is a staggering and incredible
P54 to the $dollar. Most people can't have fun anymore. Life has become
a battle. We live to work. Work to live. Life is not easy.

I was in Saudi Arabia in 1983. It was lonely, difficult, & scary. It didn't
matter if you were a man or a woman. You were a target for rape.The salary
was cheap & the vacation far between. If the boss didn't want you to go
on holiday, you didn't. They had your passport. Oh, and the agency charged
you almost 4months of your salary (which, if you had to borrow on a "20%
per month arrangement" meant your first year's pay was all gone before you
even earned it).

The Philippines used to be one of the most important countries in Asia. Before
& during my college days, many students from neighboring Asian countries like Malaysia, Indonesia, Japan and China went to the Philippines to get their
diplomas. Until 1972,like President Macapagal, President Marcos was one of
the most admired presidents of the world. The Peso had kept its value of P7 to
the $dollar until I finished college. Today, the Philippines is famous as the
housemaid" capital of the world. It ranks very high as the "cheapest labor"
capital of the world, too.

We have maids in Hong Kong, laborers in Saudi Arabia, dancers in Japan,
migrants and TNTs in Australia and the US, and all sorts of other "tricky"
jobs in other parts of the globe. Quo Vadis, Pinoy? Is that a wonder or a
worry? Are you proud to be a Filipino, or does it even matter anymore? When
you see the Filipino flag and hear the Pambansang Awit, do you feel a sense
of pride or a sense of defeat & uncertainty? If only things could change for the better.......

Hang on for this is a job for Superman. Or whom do you call? Ghostbusters.
Joke. Right? This is one of our problems. We say "I love the Philippines. I am
proud to be a Filipino." When I send you a joke, you send it to everyone in
your address book even if it kills the Internet. But when I send you a note
on how to save our country & ask you to forward it, what do you do? You
chuck it in the bin.

I want to help the maids in Hong Kong. I want to help the laborers in Saudi Arabia.
I want to help the dancers in Japan. I want to help the TNTs in America and
Australia. I want to save the people of the Philippines. But I cannot do it alone.
I need your help and everyone else's. If you say you love the Philippines, prove it.
And if you don't agree with me, say something anyway. Indifference is a crime on
its own.

I am Dr. Martin Bautista

By Christian V. Esguerra
Inquirer
Last updated 03:05am (Mla time) 02/18/2007

MANILA, Philippines -- The tall man, grinning, offered handshakes to
shoppers. A total stranger, he was welcomed anyway at the Greenhills
"tiangge" in San Juan yesterday.

"I am Dr. Martin Bautista. I am running for senator under Ang Kapatiran
(The Brotherhood) party. I am not a traditional politician,"
he told curious strangers huddled around him.

"Bautista who? Ang Kapatiran what?" was the quietly polite reaction of the
shoppers. One went further and asked: "Do you have any chance of winning?"

Bautista, 44, knows only too well it's a tall order to go against a bunch
of senatorial hopefuls parading celebrity wives, prominent names and
bottomless campaign kitties.

But the gastro-enterologist would not have abandoned a lucrative medical
practice in the United States if he was not convinced of
victory, or at least a shot at it.

Bautista left for the US a year after he graduated from the University of
the Philippines in 1989. Throughout the 17 years that he spent as a
physician in New York and Oklahoma, he said he never applied for a green
card.

Last year, he came home for good, bringing with him his wife, a UP-trained
pulmonologist, and four young daughters.

Life is short

"Life is short, so better spend it by doing something good for your
country," he said in an interview at the Ang Kapatiran headquarters at
Greenmeadows in Pasig.

Ang Kapatiran (Alliance for the Common Good) is a political party put up
three years ago by Nandy Pacheco, the well-known advocate for a gunless
society. The party promotes God-centered politics and calls for the
abolition of the "pork barrel" and gambling, among other advocacies.

Aside from Bautista, the party is fielding three other candidates for
senator?Mario Ongkiko, Zosimo Paredes and Adrian Sison, who are all
lawyers.

Except for Ongkiko, who is acknowledged to be one of the country's top
lawyers, the others are unknowns in politics.

"All the pundits are saying that we won't win, but that's a defective
concept," said the 50-year-old Sison who specializes in family law and
taxation cases.

Abundance of idealism

"We're praying that the people will finally wake up and realize that there
are genuine alternatives to traditional politics and
politicians, " he said.

There's an abundance of idealism among the four candidates, including
Ongkiko who has been practicing law for the past 50 years. At 75, he
doesn't really need the prestige and clout that come with being a senator
to cement his place in the sun.

"I can earn enough to last me my lifetime. But I'm not thinking of myself.
I'm doing this for my children and my grandchildren, " he said.

So it is also with the 58-year-old Paredes who is best remembered for
publicly criticizing the transfer of an American soldier, the
convicted rapist Daniel Smith, to the custody of the US Embassy.

It cost Paredes his job as executive director of the presidential
commission monitoring the implementation of the Visiting Forces
Agreement.

Paredes clarified that he would not use the issue to land a Senate seat. He
said he had no intention of even mentioning the name of the Filipino woman
who accused the US Marine officer of raping her. "I won't mention anything
about it unless I'm asked. I didn't even know that many Filipinos
appreciated what I had done," he said.

Educating voters
Pacheco said the decision to field senatorial candidates in May was meant
in part to educate Filipino voters who have become inured to traditional
politics. "The people are truly fed up with what they see," he said. "If
[the Kapitiran candidates] win, it will be a clear sign that Filipino
voters are becoming mature," he said.

But what can three lawyers and a doctor do in the Senate? They all vow to
vigorously pursue the Kapatiran vision "to bring back
the teachings of God into the center of politics." This is the response of
Pacheco and his peers to the Second Vatican Council's idea
of an "empowered laity."

"The laity must lead in the renewing of politics," says one of the group's
leaders.

Pro-life party

The party is clearly "pro-life," is for "progressive disarmament" in the
national and international level, and regards as a priority
projects for the homeless, elderly, prisoners, disabled, veterans and the
youth.

Kapatiran is also unique in vowing to discipline members for any
wrongdoing.

Ongkiko said theirs was the only genuine political party, noting that both
the administration' s Team Unity and the Genuine Opposition were carrying
candidates who used to belong to the other side.

"There's no opposition or administration, it's just a fantasy. They don't
have a platform. All they want is to win," he said.

Paredes said the administration and opposition candidates would eventually
"cancel each other out," paving the way for Kapatiran
candidates to be noticed.

"It's like seeing a streak of white in a backdrop of black," he said.

The Kapatiran candidates are banking on the honest support of well-meaning
Filipinos to make up for their lack of political
machinery.

"We ask the people to run our campaign, to champion the cause of change,"
Ongkiko said.

No gimmicks

The party has launched a project called "Alay Panglinis Pulitika" to invite
campaign donations. It has also quietly enlisted the support of
a number of parish-based organizations, including the wide-ranging Basic
Ecclesial Communities (BECs).

Not being entitled to poll watchers, it will rely on groups like the Parish
Pastoral Council for Responsible Voting to ensure honest
elections in May and indirectly safeguard their votes.

The campaign strategy is quite different from the traditional political
gimmicks?the sunny smiles, colorful dress, catchy jingles
and celebrity endorsers?that this early are threatening to dull the taste
of Filipino voters just three days into the official campaign
period.

Ongkiko, Paredes, Sison and Bautista will basically rely on the best of
intentions and work to effectively communicate them to voters.

"We will talk sanely to the people," Paredes said.

The Holy Spirit

For Bautista, the presence of God will help in the communication job, much
like what the Holy Spirit did for St. Paul and the Apostles when they
spread the good news nearly 2,000 years ago.

Yesterday, Bautista was on a one-man campaign at the densely populated
Greenhills area. Offering nothing but flyers, a sincere greeting and a
clear legislative program, he was not shunned as just another nuisance
candidate.

It's a good start for someone who doesn't ride on the popularity of a
former president, does not sing or dance, and is not the husband of a movie
star, and is a movie star himself.